Diary Excerpts From a Conflicted Farmer McGregor
September 2013: I am in the garden pruning, harvesting, weeding…and there is one of my bunnies, full grown, munching on a giant juicy tomato. Really,…
A List of Lists; Or, How I Organize the Fu(n) Out of Life
Since I was a child, people have commented on how organized I am. Oh yes, they have said cruel words, or mocked me by presenting books…
A Chat About Disease. With the Pizza Guy.
The doorbell rings. How many Schleigers does it take to greet the pizza guy and pay him? It takes all of us. Dogchild to attempt to…
Project Grinch and the Junior Accountants
In a world of American materialism, inevitably comes the time when you must pare down. Simplify. Walk through the valley of toys without injury. Open up…
Be Your Own Billboard
When my kids were speechless (not noiseless, mind you!) infants, Manchild and I watched them smile and listened to them coo and gurgle. We wondered aloud,…
Adventures in Unsolicited Speech Interventions
In the Beginning was the Silent Word As a child, it frustrated me when I spoke and people indicated they couldn’t hear me. I gather I…
One Conversation About Running, with Some Idiot Who Only Runs if Chased*
*And, surprisingly and quite possibly accidentally, is a member of Mensa Me: So I was driving in the neighborhood today, and seriously 3 women were walking…
Weird Guys Looking at Me Naked
Oh, it’s okay, it’s possible they don’t even like girls. Listen, Lush Cosmetics, I’m pretty smitten with you. You make things that are supposedly handmade (although,…
Dust Moines and the Celibate Life
When Girlchild turned about 3 years old, she became cognizant of the music I listen to, especially the music playing in the car. Over time, then,…
RIP DJ SpinCycle
Have you ever known someone who always knows where the party’s at? Or how about someone who just made their own party wherever they went and…
Don't Repeat This in Preschool 