*And, surprisingly and quite possibly accidentally, is a member of Mensa
Me: So I was driving in the neighborhood today, and seriously 3 women were walking side by side in the road with their dogs, taking up so much space that I had to drive British to avoid them.
Manchild: [reading iPad] Hmmm.
Me: Why couldn’t they walk on the sidewalk? I mean, that’s the safest place to walk your dog, to avoid road salt. Right? Am I missing something?
Me: But when you run you avoid the sidewalk?
Me: Why is that again? I don’t see what’s wrong with the sidewalk. It’s for pedestrians. One of these days I’m going to yell that at a runner.
Manchild: Please don’t.
Me: Why not.
Manchild: They run in the road so they don’t trip.
Me: Sidewalks seem fine. Why would they trip on sidewalks?
Manchild: Trust me, if you ran you would understand. Sidewalks are uneven sometimes, have lots of cracks…and if you’ve been running awhile you start to get tired, and if you trip up your feet on a crack you can wipe out and gnarl yourself up pretty badly.
Me: Seems like if you’re that tired, tired enough to get all sloppy and trip over cracks, your body is telling you to stop running.
Manchild: [Sighs, closes eyes, seems to summon patience of Jesus or something, as if he were talking not only to a child, but one equally annoying as the spectacled geek from The Polar Express movie]. You can really really mess yourself up if you fall while running on the sidewalk.
Me: Ohhhhh. So, like, it’s challenging.
Me: So, like, you could still do it, but it’s kind of extreme. So you might need a helmet, some elbow and knee pads….you know, I’m seeing a future Olympic sport possibility out of this, this Sidewalk Running event.
Manchild: You’re an a-hole.
Me: No, I’m not. I’m just saying, it’s possible to do.
Manchild: You don’t know what you’re talking about. [Walks away.]
Me: [louder, so Manchild can hear me from the other room he’s now in] Hey you know how runners put their 26-point-whatever stickers on the backs of their cars? If I ran, like, a half mile, do you think I could put a “.05” sticker on my car? Or…hey, is there a sticker for an elliptical machine?
(A quick solemn request to those of my friends who run: Please continue to accept my friendship, as I promise I do respect what you do).
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